Transition

In the book of my life, 

you are engraved as 

2020.

In the dark,
don't be afraid,
reach out for my hand,
you may not be able to touch it
but move a little ahead,
gradually and eventually
you come towards the light,
Do you even need my hand, now ?
You needed it not at all,

not even in the beginning. 
What you needed 

is within you.

Spirit from the past

 

Of the experiences from the past, 

I shall revive the indomitable spirit of the explorer;

Of those from moving ahead, 

I cherish the wisdom that came about with time

Illusory world

 We set out on our own path

laid in front of us;

making choices, 

facing consequences, 

falsely taking others as partners or allies,

forgetting that it's one's own journey :

one treads alone. 

Illusion is what we live in,

illusion of having friends and family

who support, love and care;

One is alone, 

in one's endeavors, 

one's reactions, 

one's responses,

one's journey.

Enlightened are those 

who have freed themselves of the illusion

that is this world!

Vacation ? Not such a vacation

This period of Corona has been that of revelation to all of us. We have had all sorts of individual, collective moments of epiphany. We realize our wrongdoings, the problems that our current system of being is and we are also focusing on solutions (I hope we are). I am not going to deal with the collective consciousness that has developed within us but rather I will focus on the personal journey here.

It all began with the Lockdown. Schools were closed. All public spaces got closed. Initially, it looked like it was a vacation. Everyone (those who had the privilege) started looking for means to keep oneself motivated during the day. So some picked up cooking as a hobby(well this one was more of an imposed hobby), some picked up painting, sketching, some started taking online courses and so on. Everything literally went online. Classes also began happening online.

While the classes were going on, it gave all of us a motivation to look forward to the week. I say "all of us" because I heard one of my students express the same. It was exactly how teachers and students felt. Right now it is Summer Break for me. It usually is a time where I look forward to my time. The time that can be used for things that I like doing.

Honestly, this was my ideal situation. The one where I was on my own, reading, writing, singing, listening to music, after all creating moments, stories, memories... But when the ideal becomes a reality, does it remain equally fascinating? I am getting my answers these days.

What I have realized about myself is that there is an initial state of panic or let me say anxiety when the ideal or the abstract notion that lays in the head comes face to face. But later on, when I would have endured this anxiety and overcome it, I become calmer and it is easier to carry on.

The reality is for us to manage. It is our attitude towards it that determines what course it will take. However, this may sound easy . It isn't. Because the mind has its own way of working. At one instance I feel differently about a situation, on the other, my feelings makes a 180 degrees shift. What am I suppose to do then?

Coming back to the subject, this is my vacation time. Initially, I had decided to take a flight back home to be with my parents. My flight got cancelled and then I changed my mind. I think I am doing well. But on certain moments, I doubt the decision. But then, I start thinking about how I comfortable I am here in my place right now. The only thing missing , that I sometimes feel is the missing company. But then these moments pass. And I get back to normal. (Well what is normal !)


I am just blabbering it seems. I have been maintaining journals these days. (It isn't new for me )
So there is a gratitude journal ( one day, I didn't know what was I grateful for) , there is this daily journal where I write what all was done during the day, then there is one for setting the tone of the day..


So here I am on a Sunday morning, I got this idea, that I will register whatever I feel on my blog..
Let's see if I can pursue this challenge.

So today I felt a bit motivated. I did  Surya Namaskar and some basic exercises (which I havent been doing), I had lemon tea, had breakfast, chatted with a friend, then with family ( oh it felt so good, we were having a discussion on the current state of affairs , oh how I miss my childhood where my parents would come to our room to wake us up on a Sunday morning but would sit and we would chat ...what good times we had during those days.... Omg, I miss those days...  )

I have realized "Stream of consciousness" is my narrative technique.. :)

This is what my vacation is like !!!

Chaos

What the world saw
was a happy, peaceful, driven face.
What lay behind
was an upsurge of tidal chaos.

The Invisibles

Brick by brick,
laid by us,
make your comfortable dwellings.

Concrete and cement
laid by us,
ensure your swift movements.

Neither are we comfortable
nor are our movements swift,
We are the Invisibles.
so, we have always been.

Gender bias

When I started reading the Bhagwad Gita*, I realized the text was meant only for men. Here was a text  which I was looking forward to, which dealt with uplifting the human experience with some insight into how to live in this web of suffering on the earth. However, a few pages into it, I got to know that the text's protagonist was a 'man' and not an individual in general. While I read this one sentence where the author has interpreted it as "man should avoid company of women...'(if my memory serves me right), I thought since time immemorial, we the women have been invisible to this other half. It is like we do not exist. Or if we do, we are like satellites in Men's orbits.

We are now in the 21st century, an era of advancements in technology, human faculties and yet, the society ( a major chunk of it) denies the presence of the woman. In this, not only are we doing injustice to women but also to men by creating/ promoting a false sense of supremacy amongst them. This is what we have been propagating generations after generations and the result is that even in this century we have men, young boys who believe, the power lies with them. They are the Sun and everything else revolves around them, women included. Women are but an object of gratification, invisible, powerless, relegated to a second grade citizenship.

However, when women, who are as equal as their male counterparts in all regards, start reclaiming their spaces in all spheres, a sense of insecurity develops in some of these men who blindly believe in their might. The fallacy of being all powerful then comes crumbling down and they do not know how to deal with it. They more often than not do  resort to defining their power through showcasing their physical strength or calling names or simply denigrating the woman. This is where we as a society have faltered. As a society, this becomes our collective failure. We let these men remain in their bubble of falsehood.

In this bubble, they are made to believe that each gender has fixed roles in the society. Some work are only the domain of women like taking care of the household and men would only be the earning member of the family. Of course things have changed in the current era, but it is undeniable that due to strong conditioning from the society, most men do believe in such categorizations. In fact, not only men, but some women also put faith in this division. All in the name of tradition and society's unfair biasness towards men. ( Not to forget that the rules were set by men )

Men also face the disadvantages of social conditioning where they are almost denied the right to express their feelings due to societal pressure; in case they do, it may make them appear weak in front of all. And how can the all mighty ever be rendered weak ! They need to put up an act lest they may be relegated to the second grade citizenship.

The biasness is so deeply rooted in our society that even centuries later we haven't been able to overcome them. In fact, I feel sometimes as and when we progress in time, majority of us are getting regressive and are holding these traditions/customs/rituals as strongly as ever. How are then we supposed to make advancements in terms of human condition?

While reading about the gendered languages and the biases that are against women even in the language that we use, I came across a feminised/gender neutral version of Bible. This then took me back to my reading of Bhagwad Gita and its male centric narrative. However, I think if Bhagwad Gita is not yet rewritten in feminised or gender neutral terms (which I am sure, someone would have definitely worked upon), I know what could be my next task.


* I had taken up reading the English version of Bhagwad Gita.

"What is it between us?'
A simple question,
yet evokes emotions of a lifetime. 

Loving someone
or the idea of him?

Loving fiercely,
yet subtly ?

What is this idea of love ?

Spirit soars high to the sky,
then takes a plunge
reaching the depths of oceans.

Thoughts bubble constantly,
then cool down suddenly,
numbing the expanse of the mind.

Erratic, astray,
Do I still like it this way?

Always exalting solitude,
finding solace in emotions than reason,
moved deeply by Nature,
am I born in the wrong era?
Or am I one of the chosen ones
to keep the Romantic flame alive?

A conception in the womb
is the beginning of it all.
Consuming through out the span
we transcend to various stages of life,
still taking in so much from the Nature,
and when the time comes calling,
we need to pay through our body,
it was never ours,
a loan from the Nature,
we pay through our body.
A journey towards
the union with the Supreme Nature.

Question in my mind still lingers,
why do we get conceived at all ?

A poem for the city I love !

काशी  कहें तोह ऐसा लगे 

जैसे हो केवल धर्म में सराबोर। 

वाराणसी कुछ ऐसा लगे 

जैसे प्राचार्य के कक्ष की औपचारिकता। 

जब बनारस होंठों को छुए 

तब लगे की कुछ बात है। 

पहलवान की लस्सी 

से संकट मोचन तक ,

अस्सी घाट की मसाला चाय 

से चिल्लम तक ,

सुबह की कचौड़ी जलेबी 

से दिन भर के गोलगप्पों तक ,

चाय की अड़ी पे चुस्कियों 

से पान की गुमटियों तक, 

रेशम के धागों 

से उनकी साड़ियों तक ,

गोदौलिया के विश्वनाथ मंदिर 

से दशाश्वमेध, मणिकर्णिका तक,

अपने आप की खोज में 

आते हैं सब बनारस ,

और होकर रह जाते हैं 

बस, ' बनारस ' . 

बनारस नहीं है कोई शहर 

बल्कि एक एहसास है ,

जब होठों को छुए 

तब लगे क्या स्वाद है। 

जब ' बनारस' होठों को छुए 

तब लगे ब्रह्माण्ड है।  

Enormous treasure
of stories within,
raring to be told.
Will she or she won't ?

ये सांसें अपनी

कभी न ठहरे ,
अनगिनत  अंधे दौड़ से निकलकर
सुनने या समझने
ये सांसें अपनी।

कभी न किया ग़ौर
बात सिर्फ थी इतनी
जीवन का आधार है
ये सांसें अपनी।

कभी न देखा इसे,
केवल किया महसूस,
ये सांसें अपनी।

कभी न मिली अहमियत  इसे,
जब तक ये हुई न आख़िरी,
ये सांसें अपनी।

कोरोना के दिन

बात थी ये उन दिनों की
जब घर में रहना लोगों का हो रहा था दुर्भर।
आदत जो पड़ गयी थी,
एक ऐसे जीवन शैली की
जहां सब भाग रहे थे,
कहाँ, किसके पीछे,
भई , मेरे समझ के ये तो परे था।

अब तो परिस्थिति ने ही
लगा डाली पाबंदी।
कैसे बिताएं समय
बन बैठा एक बड़ा सवाल।

क्या इतना मुश्किल था,
खुद के साथ दो पल बिताना?
अपनों के साथ बैठ कर बातें करना ?
सुबह सुबह की चाय शान्ति में पीना ?
हंसी के ठहाके लगाना ?
अपनों के साथ मिल कर घर में हाथ बटाना ?


बात  तो ये भी मज़ेदार थी
कि अपने काम खुद ही करने थे।

बहुत ही अच्छा मौका था
समझने का
काम कोई बड़ा  या छोटा नहीं था,
काम तो बस अपना ही था।

कैसी आराम तलबी छा गयी थी
की दूसरों पे निर्भरता बढ़ती ही जा रही थी।
अब जाकर घर में आने वाले
उन सभी मददकर्मियों की कीमत समझ में आयी( शायद)
अब उन्हें भी इंसान समझना पड़ा।

बस  अब एक उम्मीद जगी
कि इंसानियत भी रहे जगी । 

In Times of Corona

Privileged like us,
have been exercising the luxury
of reading the deeper message of Corona.

Disadvantaged they were then,
attempting to survive,
Disadvantaged they are now,
continuing their attempt of survival.

In Times of Corona

Uncertainties loomed large,
where human life was at stake,
but only humans
could rectify their own mistake.

Let's be there for each other !

I wonder sometimes,
more often these days,
how did we turn 72 ?
Such diversity which we were told to celebrate,
"Unity in diversity"
was the slogan,
which I was so proud of,
I have now realized,
was only a sham !!
We were only being hypocrites.
Celebrating the diversity on certain days,
and then sinking back into our real selves,
which I have only started to recognize nowadays,
thanks to social media,
everyone's voice is heard, or being read
thank God, everyone's exercising their freedom of speech,
but how?
by spewing hatred against one another
which had been lying deep down all this while,
suddenly,
the slogan seems a failed effort
to instill some sense of unity
into a crowd so diverse,
Did we really grow together ?
How well groomed actors are we?
How could we live together pretending that we stand by each other
and yet disgorging venom against each other at each instance in the name of religion?

Are we ready yet or do we still want to be immature and believe in this division ?
Can we come together as one?
Can we all look at each other as humans first ?
Can we?

Let's be there for each other!
Can we?