Is it me or IRCTC ?

Am I confused? Or is it really confounding? Or is IRCTC itself befuddled with how to function?

Now this is what is beyond my comprehension, the whole circuitous process of booking a Tatkal ticket. It is virtually a lottery system to book a Tatkal ticket. If destiny favours you and the Lady luck is on your side, you would be on cloud nine to get it booked.

Tatkal was a service introduced to facilitate passengers to get hold of tickets at end moment if some urgency presented itself that required them to travel. I really appreciate this effort but not until I got to know that IRCTC is a bit confused or maybe I am ignorant about its operations. 

Firstly, many a times there have been changes in the days when the Tatkal service would open. Long back, it used to start operating two days before the date of journey. At present, it opens a day before. I am not opposed to this idea. However, there is a point of contention.

Today, I was actually doing a recce of sorts on the website. I need to book a ticket tomorrow for Tatkal. The time it starts working is 10 o'clock in the morning. Due to my weak and almost non functional MTS datacard, any site wouldn't open. Moreover, as I stated earlier, it all depends on how fortunate you are that day. IRCTC gets so much pressure from anxious passengers to get their tickets booked that it also gives up and chooses a certain few to be the prize (ticket) winners. 

However, I should get straight to the point now rather than beating about the bush. In the afternoon, I checked Tatkal tickets for 1st of April, which under the regulations that I am aware of should open tomorrow at 10 in the morning. To my great surprise, there were trains flashing REGRET status in the screen for 1st as well as 2nd of April as if almost deriding me and my desperation to book tickets. 

Now, my mind is perplexed after what IRCTC has done with me and this I say with greater seriousness.

I thus pray to the higher Being IRCTC, to take pity on this lesser mortal and change my fortune tomorrow so that I get a message of the ticket on my phone with flying colours. Amen!!

Shaunak advises Yudhishtira that attachment is the root cause of all grief and happiness that we experience in life. The wise and learned keep themselves extricated from the chains of any kind of bond. 

This is what I read in Mahabharata. It seems so appropriate. Is it possible in this world inhabited by humans? Since childhood we tend to create a sense of attachment with what we are fascinated and we love. But what is this thing called love? 

What is love? My mind is befuddled by this question which at first instance looks like a simple one. Whatever is this emotion, I believe, it can only be named love if it is selflessly done. The only relationship that strikes me to be selfless in the world around me appears to be that of a parent and its child. This incorruptible love showered by parents is however not all the time reciprocated by their children. 

Love can also be expressed for the God Almighty. This is what have been voiced in the ancient texts. This love is for the Supreme Being, one who created the world and thus created us. One who left us into this vast ocean of humanity to get entangled in the relationships and thereon desire us to be free of all the bonds and connections we make.

In such a contrastive setup, what am I supposed to do?? 

I know you are there

As a kid, I was too smug. My surroundings did not concern me much. I was happy and content with what I had. And yes, I thanked you all the while for making my existence so smooth. But life is not a tale of niceties. Once taken birth on this Earth, one goes through a twining and twisting trail called life. I had you as my confidante all the time confiding in you, having my private dialogues with you even if you weren't present physically. I believe you are there. And it is this belief that makes one going. During the trials of life, no matter how hard be my predicament, I always look upto you for inner peace and strength. I haven't achieved the end yet though you have furnished me with the means. 

Though no one has seen you, you are there in everyone of us. Most of the times, I am unable to recognize you within me, attribute it to my ineptitude. However, I do perceive you within the wonderful parents and siblings you have gifted me. I am really well placed in this world. A world that manifests both negative and positive, I thank you in the earnest. 

And yet when I look back, I recall a few moments when due to lack of fulfillment of my infantile wishes, I harboured a feeling of getting away from everyone. How could I have ever thought of such a thing. I guess, I am being human. It is all but natural to experience varied sentiments and emotions in one's life. I know you will always be there not only for me but for all of us. I would like to be selfish here and put my family at the top rank to get your attention. No matter how dark and grim it becomes around me, a speck of optimism remains inside telling me constantly that you are there and I want you to be...

blurred vision

What is this life that we lead? Why are we here on Earth? What is our purpose to be fulfilled during our span of life? Is every single person able to accomplish his role in the scheme of this Universe? All such questions throng my mind a few times when I feel life isn't moving as I want it to. These intangible ideas in my head meandering inside, complicate my effort to understand the meaning of life. And, after a while when I reconcile with them, these questions seem to subside somewhere deep in my consciousness, ready to sprout again at any moment of despair I get into. 

Today, as I was getting back to hostel from my sister's place, on my way, I had been drowning in the swamps of guilt on a matter so trivial that it's not worth mentioning. I was constantly thinking about how I could have done , what I did, in some other way and would have been guilt free. Consequently I was led to some other direction. I wondered how we humans are puppets in the hands of God, harking back to some episode of the Mahabharata where Krishna himself reveals how everything that happens in the world depends on his will. This distant and vague remembrance was still making rounds in my mind as I realized someone had been honking from behind and my autowala  had slowed down his auto. I asked him what was the matter. As he told me, I saw it with my eyes : a soul free body being taken for the last rites by a few men. How my eyes welled up at this sight, is still unknown to me. I didn't know who had died. Was it a child, a girl, a boy, a man or a woman? It was a moment of  facing the ultimate truth. In a split second, you don't know where your soul has left for. 

These days, everyone is in a constant struggle to achieve something. This attainment hinges on the class or strata of society you belong to. The super rich find ways to be even richer. The poor try to make their ends meet. While the middle class looks upwards to the rich class and aspires to be like them someday. Material comfort has become the only truth that everyone wants to reach. No one seems to be satisfied with what s/he has. Of what use is all this strife, this monotonous struggle to acquire that which you would only take to your grave and not with your soul?

I wonder if I can ever understand why have I taken birth. 

Spring at our doorstep!!

After the rains, comes out the Sun. With all its brightness, it spreads over us. The sky is clear with patches of white cloud here and there. The wind that blows makes the leaves rustle. Some denuded trees have already witnessed their new leaves bloom. Some have still been waiting. Flowers have blossomed in all shades and hues. Squirrels run haywire in search of something to nibble. And we know, Spring is at our doorstep, visible everywhere.

Only yesterday night, the clouds so heavily laden had been thrusting water droplets on us.Morning is a different story. Sun rises with all its vigour. The cold wind contrasts against the warm, sunny day. It's a perfect Sunday morning to be out in the nature. Tempted to the core, I have decided to make full use of the privilege I have, being in a beautiful, verdant university campus. My mind wanders to the idea of near future when I would have to leave this place and would not be knowing if  I would ever be able to have these pleasures in the busy schedule of life. I bring my mind back to the present and get ready for my rencontre with the nature. Having packed my bag with books I head towards the DSW lawns. Well manicured lawns, trees, and a few round tables and benches, make it the best place to bask in the nature.

Except for a security guard and a few construction workers, no one is there. I have full freedom to select any of the benches. I occupy one which has a tall tree behind it at some distance. The tree is still awaiting all its leaves, so that the sunlight gets filtered and is mild on me. I set up my books on the table, take out my pencil bag, a bottle of water and a box of grapes that I had kept for myself. I start reading. It's such a delight to be absorbed in a book while you are in the lap of nature. Meanwhile, I notice, these squirrels who come near the bench while looking straight at me. When I move a bit, scared to the core, they run away, climb a tree and disappear. I look at the grapes' box. All of a sudden, I think of offering grapes to them. Many of them focus on the box when I open it. While I take out a grape, they seem lured. They come closer. However, they move back quickly. I throw the grape in their direction. One of them happen to catch my action of throwing and register in his mind. He runs in the direction of the grape. I am content that he will have it. But, he runs past the grape, sniffing at a distance. How could he have missed the grape? is what my mind thinks. He still cannot find it. Disappointed, he goes away. I decide to put it on a slab of brick. While I get back to my reading, a few moments later, I discover that this little squirrel has finally got hold of the grape. Relieved I am for him, that he has something to eat and for myself, that I could delight myself in watching him nibble. Squirrels are agile but I feel they are  myopic. They lack focus. Taking pity on them, I decide to get back into action and not leave my focus and continue reading.

It's been almost two hours. The Sun is right above my head. I can feel his harsh rays seeping into my skin. It is getting hotter. I have had my share of his benign presence. I choose not to extend it further. I pack my bag and make my way back radiating contentment of this morning's experience.

I DREAM

I dream

of a distant land

with the rising Sun,

the morning breeze

I breathe in.

A land

with a thousand flowers

offering themselves

to be my bed,

as I lay down.

And when night falls,

I dream of the stars

that blanket me soon

with their twinkling powers.

I lay there dreaming

of this distant land

with rising Sun,

the morning breeze 

that I breathe in.

In the sea of humanity,

a spirited soul,

with a quest of identity

and her role,

in the scheme of World

where millions reside,

curious to decipher

with dreamy eyes,

what purpose does it serve

to live our lives?