What is life, reverberates in my head when I get up this morning. Random thoughts fly in my head. I don't realize why have I come up with this question when everything around me seems to be in its perfect position. But once this avalanche of stray thoughts slows down a bit, I become aware why has it been there this whole question of the meaning and purpose of life.

In a recently read article, the author advised not to mingle with anyone else's business in life and consequently happiness and contentment will follow you. She had simply divided the whole scheme of interaction in the world to three kinds of business. The first one she called God's business where we have no control at all. The second was 'your' business or let's say others' business. Others here includes everyone except you. And the final category was 'my' business. I was not at ease with not mingling with anyone's business. If my business doesn't come in contact with others' business then, I don't think I will be worldly at all. To attain such contentment, to my mind appears just one way and that is leaving all your worldly associations. To dissociate from the web of worldly connections is the strength of a few. But, my mind questions yet again. Will I be happy when I get free from the clutches of all the earthly bonds and ties? What is the purpose of life? I can't figure out how am I supposed to feel, if I need to be the way I am right now , materialistic, affected by my environment and surroundings or be free in the real sense of the word.

A few days ago, one of my friends lost his father. When I hear of death, I think of my associations. And then I feel, it is such a waste of time fighting, quarreling, being jealous, getting angry, not talking at all to someone whom you loved at some point of time. What will be the end result? Everyone has the same fate. It is just the way you reach the concluding chapter of life or perhaps the new beginning( I have no clue) that might differ. But it again comes back to the meddling of businesses. We are so badly entangled in this labyrinth that sometimes I am forced to think that we are actually condemned to live our lives. For the ones who leave us, they are free of all the associations but the ones who are left, we are the ones who need to carry on. What is this life then and what is my purpose in this wide worldly web?

Mission Incomplete!!

So yesterday was a tiring day for me. After my tennis match in morning, I had to get going for the last day of the workshop that I had been attending for past two days. The workshop was not at all linked to my area of study, but as I am fascinated by the whole concept of conservation of cultural heritage, I decided I would attend it anyway and it was for free, all the more reason to be there. So this workshop was on Conservation of Oil Paintings. I have no background of Oil paintings or for that matter any kind of paintings. Even though, only for my fascination's sake, I went ahead. And thankfully, it turned out to be so interesting. I, however, do not know whether I would be actually able to bring to use all the information I gathered. But atleast I have the basic knowledge about the structure, deterioration, reinforcement of the paintings. 

After we finished the last session, and after having thanked all the facilitators, we decided to go to the close by Lodhi Gardens. Four of us had never seen it before. We walked, chatted, exchanged stories, giggled, made fun of each other (I don't know about others but I did it a few times ) and then was the moment to come back home(hostel). 

By the time I had come back I was already too tired for anything. However, I decided to continue with my routine to go to the library and do some work. I had the special dinner they gave, which I didn't feel was that special. And then went to the library. I thought after having taken bath, I was re-energised to study. To some extent I was but I knew I would not be able to bear it for long. I tried concentrating on the laptop's screen. For a while I was there, a little later though, I found myself dozing off. I realized I had to get and sleep. Also, because I had to get up early for the tennis match I had.

Before going to bed, I reminded my friend of the upcoming loss of today's match. Or was it a way to motivate myself that I had to win. Whatever it was! So, I get up this morning, not that enthusiastic about defeating my opponent. Well, we reach the tennis court, start practicing. All the shots I play are not at all up to the mark. one backhand shot (even though I was playing tennis) goes for a six as in cricket. So I am definitely not in my element today. We decide to start playing the match. As the tradition goes, I start serving first. My first game score is not at all encouraging, 0-15, 0-30, 15-30, 15-40 and finally I lose it to make the score look like 0-1. 

It is my opponent's turn to serve. It seems like we have an unsigned pact that we will lose the games we serve for. So he loses this game to me, and the score gets to 1-1. I am satisfied with the score and am continuously motivating myself to play well. 

The next two games are just wonderful, because this has never happened before. I take the lead 2-1, and then 3-1. I am quite delighted with the score, but I know I have to keep up the rhythm that I have got into. Well that is what is the most difficult to do. Even though I didn't let it slip away easily from my hands, I finally lose the match. Where once it had been 3-1, it gradually becomes 3-3. And afterwards, my friend rises up to win the set by 3-6. Nevermind, I will do better next time. This is what I tell to myself. But I am happy with a few shots I played. You can in fact feel the shots that are well played. As the ball drops into your court, you reach out for it, you bring your racket to the exactly right place and as the ball hits the string, the sound it produces , you know that it is going to be a good shot anyway.(For the great players, it's always like that, but someone like me , who plays more shots out of the court than within it,is a great achievement). So my mission is yet not accomplished. Shall succeed soon I guess!!

Tennis to my rescue

So I have this mundane life where I get up, pack my heavy laptop bag, go to the library, sit and work and then come back, have food, again go back to the library with the same heavy bag and after a few hours get back to the hostel and sleep. Wow, how boring! I have nothing to look forward to. I dread carrying this bag that takes a toll on my shoulders. I don't want to hold anything in my hands. I am fed up of carrying the laptop, the copy, the pencil bag, the water bottle, my phone. Why can't my hands be free of all this burden? So I am complaining silently about the routine that has become my life And out of nowhere, one day, the saving grace appears via a message on my phone. My friend asks me if I want to play tennis in mornings. I instantly say yes. Who would not love to play tennis? I reply him positively and voila I have something interesting in life (yes that is quite exciting for me). The best part of my day is when I hold that tennis racket and feel like one great tennis player. 

So we start playing. I have resumed playing almost after five years. In fact, five years ago, I learnt how to play this sport. I have always liked watching tennis and playing too. So, during our practice sessions, we try to rally as much as possible. In the beginning, it was hard to keep the ball inside the court. But now, that I am playing regularly, the rhythm comes gradually to me.

So the first match we play is of three games ( If I recall it well), which I lose. The score is 1-2. I atleast manage to win a game.The following days we start playing match of a whole set. There have been scores like 0-6. Of course the 'love' in the score is mine. But I have improved a lot. This one particular match where I had served first (I serve first in every match though), I won my game with the initial score of 1-0. Then it seemed my friend played a better game and I made quite a lot unforced errors, the score progressed like 1-3. I bucked myself up and levelled it to 3-3. I was so happy. The score went further on equals and it became 4-4. And then, again I got caught in the web of unforced errors. And the final score read like 4-6. However, I was satisfied with my performance. 

Now, today, I had an equally good day in tennis. So, I lost my first game, 0-1. Then I bounced back by equalling the game at 1-1. It seemed today, we were meant to break each other's serves. I only made one point on my serve in the whole match. Now, again, it was a neck to neck match today. The score had gotten to 4-4. The next game, my friend, he won. He broke my serve. And then the final one. I had thought I would manage to make the score 5-5. But it so happened that after having so many deuces and advantages, finally I faced a defeat again. The score was 4-6.

Now, I have challenged my friend that tomorrow, it's going to be me who will be the winner ( though I had changed the perspective while telling him and said that he is the one who will lose). Well, whichever way, the winner is going to be me tomorrow. Let's see, how interesting tomorrow's match is!!

My Train Journey!

I love travelling by trains. I have mostly travelled by trains in my life so far. And whatever it has been, I have loved every bit of it. Indian Railways are beyond doubt the lifeline for Indian masses who would have otherwise not been able to cover the length and breadth of the country so quickly. It was during my train journey to Goa that I got all the more awed by travelling in trains. 

Railways have always fascinated me. Right from the engines of trains to their coaches, the railway tracks to the platforms, the hawkers with their items, the stations' names on the yellow or white boards, the bridges and the rivers that trains pass by, the mountains and the tunnels they take us through, the lush green fields or the deserted terrains, the countryside, the people we meet during our journeys, the inevitable complaints about a dirty toilet, or the unappetizing pantry food. All of this contributes to my love for train journeys.

When I came to know that I was supposed to go to Goa, I didn't even care to check the flight tickets. I knew the prices would be sky high for me even if they saved my time. But who wanted to save time? I decided to board a train instead that would take around 30 hours to reach my destination. But I wasn't sure if I would get a ticket as all of them were booked already and were running in waiting. I had been left with the only choice of getting a ticket through Tatkal. Now, Tatkal is yet another adventurous option created by Indian Railways to add to the thrill of your experience. I certainly had my share of chills and thrills but somehow I managed to get my ticket and I knew I was getting on to this train that would cover more than 1800 kilometers to reach Goa.

And I am glad I took a train. The only journey I had made till now to the west of the country was going till Bombay (for me it will always remain Bombay and not Mumbai). I hadn't been further south until this trip. And I discovered the joy of travelling through Konkan Railways. With this train, I had traversed 6 states to reach the seventh. Each state has its own set of topography that distinguishes it from the other. The first day took us through Haryana, UP, Rajasthan, MP and Gujarat. While the next morning I got up in Maharashtra where my train had stopped for quite some time. We had stopped at a place I would have otherwise never known. Though it wasn't a stoppage, since on the way ahead it was a single line, it was supposed to stop at many of these small stations as it had no choice. So this morning I got up to find myself in Kolad, which happens to be a rafting destination.

And my train, to my utter delight continued to stop at unknown small towns. After a while, we reached Ratnagiri. We had some fresh cucumbers that the lady had been selling at the station. There was also this watermelon guy with juicy watermelons. However, I did not step that far for the fear of missing my train as it only had a two minutes halt. But I decided to taste them for sure when I would be on my return journey (and yes I did). At each station, we came across some tea vendors, some wadapav walas or some fruit sellers.

When we were travelling on the Konkan Railways route, we came across several tunnels. I have never taken on a journey in India where I had ever come across a tunnel, so it got me all excited about this trip. Passing through tunnels, then coming out of them, traversing the beautiful and rustic landscape of the coast made me drift away in my dream world. My thoughts also went to the labourers and the workers who had actually put in all their efforts to lay the railway tracks in the country in all sorts of terrains and again I was awed. I cannot be enough thankful to them who make my journeys so interesting when I travel by train.

Following all these ideas in my head, I finally reached one of my dream destinations with all the excitement and fervour. I wish to go again to Goa but whenever I go , I would like to take a train.

Spring Reverie!!

I was talking to someone one day. In the middle of our conversation, she happened to utter a beautiful sentence. She said, “I would love to get lost one day.”

To some it might sound crazy. To a few like me, it might strike a chord. And for some others, it wouldn’t ring any bell at all, like the option of ‘can’t say’ in the surveys. And yet there would be other set of people reacting to it in various ways.

When I think about it, ideas ripple in my mind. Do I want to get lost? Really? Am I not already lost in this huge, wide world? I don’t know where am I headed towards. So am I  lost? And then it strikes again. Yes I would love to be lost. Although not like someone gone missing and then her/his family n friends worry to death. No I hate to imagine all the worst possiblities that one would or could come across in this whole idea of getting lost.

And however, I would like to be lost. Lost in the nature! I dream of travelling by train someday and getting down to some unknown destination, that was never supposed to be mine. Maybe somewhere closer to the sea or higher up in the hills? Where there would be fields, blooming flowers, clear blue sky with deep blue waters of the sea. I’d get lost in the lap of nature, in its calm and serene environs, where I’d savour every single moment.

I’d be far from the bondage of society and yet far from the worries that encompass our daily lives and farther from superficial social connections. I’d lead life in peace with a diary and pen ofcourse at my disposal. I’d create stories while lying down on the greenest of grass, under some shade of some tree where the sunlight would stream in on me.

When the sun would start setting, making way for the night, I would go near the sea. I would listen to the sounds of waves under the starry night. Ideal for weaving dreams!

And if some traveler, some day would pass by my abode, I would interact with her/him. I would listen to his stories and s/he would hear mine. I could give her/him letters addressed to my family members and friends to let them know I am safe and comfortable and would be visiting them soon.

How fascinating! I wish I could lead a life like this for a while. Away from civilization and then when I would have had enough of my fantasy I would make my way back to my people who would have been genuinely waiting for me.  

Amidst moonlight,
against this dark night,
step into your dream
and sail through.
Able to weave
a world of your own,
sit across the sea,
stroll along the shore.
Abound with liberty, this
abode of pleasures,
scent of the roses
spreading all over.
Awakened thus, by the sunshine
streaking against the morning mist
surfaces the real,making you
aware of the withered delight.

A day old,

I had held you in my arms.

First time ever, a baby so small,

had I cradled,

overcoming my initial fear. 

That night

in the hospital,

you denied us sleep

with your recurring cries,

worrying us to the core.

And now you are

a month old,

I brim with confidence

when I rest you in my arms.

You are the first for me,

whom I have played with

at such a tender age.

You are so small and fragile,

your clenched fist

loosen sometimes to hold our fingers,

and that small cute nose of yours and your thin lips,

that sometimes give a smile

make our hearts bright.

But the best for me is

when in fleeting moments

you change expressions

while still asleep,

you cry at one instance 

and suddenly you would smile

unmindful that you are being watched

by these affectionate eyes.